Picture Post-Mortem: Mr. X

Many years ago, the makers of Mr. India probably rejected a script, and marked it with a firm, engraving cross. That script travelled through time, and landed in the Bhatt Camp. They verified if there’s any scope for Ankit Tiwari songs and Emraan Hashmi kisses. Yes? The film’s on, and will be called Mr. X, in honor of the original cross on the script. 

Of course, this is my mind looking to find a plausible reason for the existence of Mr. X. Produced by Vishesh Films, which is Emraan Hashmi’s personal MNREGA scheme, offering him a job when the season’s dull otherwise.

The film opens with a hostage situation. Emraan Hashmi and his girlfriend, played by Amyra Dastur, are Anti Terrorist Bureau officials. There’s a huge squad backing up the rescue operation, which also has an active bomb by the way, and a hostage needs to be saved. Emraan goes in to save the trapped person, giving a ‘pyaar ki kasam’ to Amyra to diffuse the bomb. She does it, without a glove or mask. Smooth.

The film has generous dosage of Ankit Tiwari, who pitches in whenever our Emraan and Amyra come into the same frame. The invisibility of Mr. X is not limited to the central protagonist, but logic and script get sometime difficult to find. Here are a few pointers.

• To recover Emraan from a severe burn injury, a laboratory in-charge administers an untested potion, ‘jiska test abhi choohon pe bhi nahin hua’. Of course, of course, what a safety mechanism. This is what happens when Medical Colleges offer seats on donation.

• In the same scene, the same laboratory in-charge holds back her brother, saying “Radiation ka effect hai, kuch bhi reaction ho sakta hai”. She believed in sanskaar, more than lab coats or protective glasses. Also, no disinfectant required. If you’re a medical professional, please stay away.

• Amyra Dastur goes to her sarkaari office in a Tomb Raider suit, which can be at best a fictional hyperbolic exaggeration. She looks tough, and has some really foolproof security plans. To protect a person, she hides him in a, wait for it, dance bar. A dance bar, which has a variety of visitors, coming in through the day, is mostly dark, is seen as the safest place in the city. Should the administration be worried?

• Amyra touches a piece of evidence with her bare hands and she understands in a flash, of what would actually have happened. This is beyond science fiction too.

• And the epicest of them all. Mr. X can only be seen in bright lights or neon lights. So in the climax, the villain bhaisaab get hold of his elusive, invisible man in broad daylight, put him in a car – and I don’t know what do they do through the day – take him out from the car, IN NIGHT. Kitne smart na? Tabhi villain reh gaye.

I have had terrible experiences in finding ‘x’, all through my school life. This was a chapter in revision.

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